Naked Intruder, Pooped And Masturbated in Florida Home

In Florida, there are violent people, naked people, poopers and masturbators -- but rarely is one man the total package.
When Tony and LaDonna Land discovered naked carnival worker Gregory Matthew Bruni on their roof, the night had just begun. Bruni, 21, allegedly assaulted Tony Land, trashed the couple's North Fort Myers Home, and then defecated and masturbated inside the house, WTSP  reports.

Gregory Matthew Bruni

The Lands told police they were in their bedroom at around 7 p.m. Monday when they heard a noise that sounded like thunder, according to Fox 4 Now. Tony went outside and says he saw Bruni on top of the roof, completely naked. Bruni allegedly jumped down on top of Land, ABC 7 reported, then knocked him over by hitting him in the shoulder.
The Lands say Bruni ran into the house, pulled a big-screen TV off the wall, and spilled the contents of a vacuum onto the floor. Around this time, LaDonna grabbed a gun and began firing at the nude intruder. She missed, and the couple called 911.
"I don't know who the hell he is -- he's naked and he ran into my damn house," Tony can be heard saying on the recording.
The Lands told authorities that after shots were fired, Bruni began whacking the mole in their living room before heading into their son's bedroom to rub some clothing on his face.
When deputies arrived, they attempted to control Bruni, who they say was wildly flailing around and speaking nonsensically. They also discovered that Bruni had defecated on the floor in two spots within the home.


At some point during the ruckus, investigators say, Bruni sucked up the contents of the vacuum, then spit it back out.

Bruni was taken into custody and transported to a hospital for evaluation, where doctors reportedly told deputies they planned to conduct tests to determine "what Bruni was on."
Bruni has been charged with criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence.

Let's Recap The Allegations Against Bruni:

1. Got naked, climbed onto the Lands' roof.


2. Attacked Tony Land by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.


3. Ran into Lands' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.


4. Dodged bullets fired by LaDonna Land.


5. Masturbated in the living room.


6. Rubbed clothes on his face in the Lands' son's room.


7. Defecated on the floor in two places.


8. Drank the contents of the vacuum.

ABC-7.com WZVN News for Fort Myers, Cape Coral

Swordsmen for Hire

KANSAS CITY, Mo. - A man robbed a Kansas City restaurant Tuesday night armed with a samurai sword, police said.
The suspect entered Church's Chicken, at 55th and Prospect, just before 10 p.m. Tuesday wearing a dark-gray hooded sweatshirt and carrying the sword, according to a statement from the Kansas City Police Department.
The man was described as a light-skinned black male standing between 5 foot 4 and 5 foot 5, weighing 120 to 130 pounds.
The suspect drove off in an older-model brown two-toned Chevy pickup truck, possibly from the 1980s.
If you know anything about what happened, you are urged to call the TIPS Hotline at (816) 474-TIPS.

They called Greg Norman the shark. This is his back story.

Ok this is the situation: You're having a pleasant afternoon with your buddies, playing the links at San Juan Hills Golf Club.

You arrive at the 12th tee box at the San Juan Capistrano course and there you see it: A shark, very much alive and thrashing around on the grass.

OK, so it was only a 2-foot-long shark, but still.

"Shark falling from the sky, kind of odd," said Melissa McCormack, director of club operations at San Juan Hills.

The fish was actually found about 4 p.m. Monday by a golf course employee, who picked it up, put it into the back of his golf cart and drove it to the clubhouse, she said. A group of golfers had just left the tee before the shark was spotted.

The shark had two puncture wounds, which made McCormack think a predatory bird had scooped the fish up out of the water, dropping the shark down onto the course. She first relayed the story to the Capistrano Dispatch.

"It was just wriggling around. He needed to get to the ocean right away," McCormack said, adding that it appeared to be a leopard shark.

After a quick dip in fresh water – since McCormack and the employee weren't sure if the small shark could survive if placed in a tank of fresh water – the animal was quickly driven out to the nearby ocean.

Still alive, the shark was dropped back into the sea near Dana Point, where it undoubtedly went on to finish its round with an eagle or two. Or maybe just a birdie

My Bumper Sticker Project

Hey I am selling these bumper stickers over on my other site.

Vote for The Turd Sandwich or the Giant Douche by buying one and putting it on your friends car with out telling them.

Also popular is the "Don't blame me I voted for Ron Paul. This one is for your car or truck.

Man Sues Sexual Supplement Company For Genital Damage

HOUSTON (Texas) – A Texas man has sued a sexual enhancement supplement company for allegedly causing his penis to fracture in a disturbing incident at a Houston motel.
Adrian Carter, 29, blames the supplement VirilisPro he bought last year, but urologists have told ABC News that penile fractures are most often the result of rough sex.

According to the lawsuit, Carter purchased the supplement in the “early morning hours” at a Chevron gas station on his way to the Scottish Inn. There, he engaged in sexual intercourse with his “paramour.”

During intercourse, Carter experienced “significant pain and observed a large quantity of blood squirting out of his penis onto the sheets, walls and mirror,” according to the lawsuit filed on Aug. 27 in Harris County, Texas.

“It was pretty horrific to view the pictures,” Carter’s lawyer, Melissa Moore, told ABCNews.com. “I know it sounds unusual…He was young and healthy and on no other meds at the time he took the supplement.”

Emergency room doctors had to “deglove” Carter’s penis in order to repair it, rendering him unable to have sex or future children, Carter claims.

The drug manufacturers Haute Health Limited Liability Company, Carney & Carney Financial Services, Solid Rock Worship Company and individuals Michael Heilig and Tyra Carney have all been named in the lawsuit. All are located in New Jersey.

The website for VirilisPro says the supplement is “made with only natural ingredients to prevent harmful side effects.” It advertises improvements in sexual performance that includes a harder erection, a more intense orgasm and a lower recovery time.

Male consumers are instructed to take it 30 minutes before intercourse and only use one pill in a 36-hour period. The ad warns the user to “always check with a healthcare professional” first.
According to the lawsuit, Carter is seeking medical expenses and punitive damages for product liability, negligence, breach of warranty, deceptive trade, mental anguish, pain and suffering and “past and future loss of consortium.”

The Food and Drug Administration doesn’t regulate dietary supplements in the same way as food or drugs. But the FDA can take action against any supplement deemed unsafe, according to their guidelines.

Never Pretend to be Big Foot

A man dressed in a military-style "ghillie" suit and apparently trying to provoke reports of a Bigfoot sighting in northwest Montana was struck by two cars and killed, authorities said.

The man was standing in the right-hand lane of U.S. Highway 93 south of Kalispell on Sunday night when he was hit by the first car, according to the Montana Highway Patrol. A second car hit the man as he lay in the roadway, authorities said.

'He was trying to make people think he was Sasquatch so people would call in a Sasquatch sighting.'

- Trooper Jim Schneider

Flathead County officials identified the man as Randy Lee Tenley, 44, of Kalispell. Trooper Jim Schneider said motives were ascertained during interviews with friends, and alcohol may have been a factor but investigators were awaiting tests.
"He was trying to make people think he was Sasquatch so people would call in a Sasquatch sighting," Schneider told the Daily Inter Lake on Monday. "You can't make it up. I haven't seen or heard of anything like this before. Obviously, his suit made it difficult for people to see him."
Ghillie suits are a type of full-body clothing made to resemble heavy foliage and used to camouflage military snipers.
"He probably would not have been very easy to see at all," Schneider told KECI-TV.
Tenley was struck by vehicles driven by two girls, ages 15 and 17, who were unable to stop in time, authorities said.

GORILLA ACCIDENTALLY HANGS HIMSELF

A gorilla has died in the Prague Zoo after accidentally hanging himself with a climbing rope, zoo officials said Friday.

The zoo said in a statement that 5-year-old Tatu was found hanging with a rope around his neck Friday morning in a sleeping room. Spokesman Michal Stastny said all attempts to revive Tatu failed.

He said there were no cameras in the room and it is not clear exactly what happened.

Mammals curator Pavel Brandl said Tatu likely unbraided one of the dozens ropes the gorillas use in their pavilion for climbing and put a strand around his neck before hanging himself.

"It was an accident," Brandl said. He said the ropes are checked daily.

Brandl said another gorilla, Kamba, appeared to be trying to help Tatu when zookeepers arrived but "it's hard to say what exactly she was doing."

Director Miroslav Bobek said the death was the most tragic event at the zoo since flooding in 2002 killed more than 100 animals.

The zoo still has six gorillas, and they are among the most popular animals there. Tens of thousands of people watched Tatu's birth online on May 30, 2007.

Is that a gun in your pocket?

A woman celebrating the weekend before her 25th birthday was fatally shot Sunday when she hugged an off-duty police officer while dancing at a party, causing the officer's service weapon to fire, according to police and her mother.

Adaisha Miller would have turned 25 on Monday, according to her mother, Yolanda McNair.
The shooting happened at an outdoor social gathering about 12:30 a.m., said police Sgt. Eren Stephens. It happened on the city's west side.
According to Stephens, the woman "embraced the officer from behind, causing the holstered weapon to accidently discharge." The bullet punctured Miller's lung and hit her heart, and she died at a hospital.

Stephens said the Detroit officer will remain on administrative duties while authorities investigate the shooting and report their findings to the Wayne County prosecutor. The officer's name was not released.
"For this to happen to her, whether they want to call it freak accident or mistake in judgment, it should have never happened to my child, and there's nothing I can do to get her back," McNair told WDIV-TV.

McNair said her daughter was out to mark her upcoming birthday.
"All she wanted to do was enjoy the weekend for her birthday," the mother said. "She had every right to enjoy turning 25 and look beyond that."